14 posts tagged “humor”
All your burning questions about my political views are answered:
For the most part I hate reality television, but I just had an idea for a reality show that would be truley spectacular. First you get a group of pansy-ass vegetarians, like the guys in Pearl Jam, and put them on an island with Ted Nugent. The Nuge has a bow and a quiver full of arrows, and some kind of badass survival knife, and a huge tub of barbeque sauce.
So the Nuge has to hunt down the vegetarian pussies and eat them one by one, using just his wits and his bow and arrows. The more creative he is in his methods of capture, the more points he will be awarded. Setting up improvised traps would be a big bonus.
Man that would be so awesome.
More funny because it's true humor from The Onion:
6-Year-Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss Of Formal Schooling
CARPENTERSVILLE, IL—Local first-grader Connor Bolduc, 6, experienced the first inkling of a coming lifetime of existential dread Monday upon recognizing his cruel destiny to participate in compulsory education for the better part of the next two decades, sources reported.
"I don't want to go to school," Bolduc told his parents, the crushing reality of his situation having yet to fully dawn on his naïve consciousness. "I want to play outside with my friends."
While Bolduc stood waiting for the bus to pick him up on his first day of elementary school, his parents reportedly were able to "see the wheels turning in his little brain" as the child, for the first time in his life, began to understand how dire and hopeless his situation had actually become…
This is so close to reality that it's frightening. I would not have been able to articulate the feelling at the age of six as well as this article does, but I sure do remember that hopeless dread at the thought of spending what seemed like forever going to school. Man I'm glad school is over.
Probably NSFW.
I'm The Denzel Washington In Training Day Of Booking Plane Tickets Online
Listen up, bitch-ass fools. When it comes to booking airline tickets on the Internet, King Kong ain't got shit on me. I'm the baddest motherfucker in the land, and I don't take no for an answer. I didn't go to no Airplane Ticket Booking Academy, and it's a good thing I didn't, because the shit you learn there will get you killed in this world. This is the real world, and I don't play by its rules. I play by my rules. And my rule is that there are no rules....
From The Official Star Wars Blog:
The Best Star Wars Lines With Pants:
- These pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
- I find your lack of pants disturbing.
- These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe.
- I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
- TK-421. . . Why aren’t you in your pants?
- Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought onboard.
- You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
- Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
- Your pants betray you.
- But I was gonna’ go down to Toshi Station to pick up some power pants!
- Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
- I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
